101 Funny Wedding Vows: Examples and Tips 2024

Wedding vows are a big deal. And, honestly, they’re kind of a big deal for you and your partner too! After all, you’re choosing the person who will spend the rest of their life with you. That’s why it’s important to pick ones that really express how deep your love truly is. If you want some inspiration for your own wedding vows, check out these funny examples that’ll help make everyone in attendance laugh.

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Funny Wedding Vows Examples

Funny wedding vows are a great way to add some humor to your ceremony. They are also a great way to show that you and your partner are not taking yourselves too seriously. If there’s anything that can make or break an event, it’s the energy that comes from those involved in it.

Funny wedding vows can help set the tone for your entire celebration by showing everyone how much fun you’re going to have throughout this whole process!

“I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome.”
“You and I just work together – and I love how you always finish my…. …. sentences… it’s sentences.”
“I vow to thrill you each day—to amaze and astonish you. Did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning?”
“I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!”
“I love you, truly, madly, deeply… and I was thinking—maybe we should get married.”
“I promise not to watch the next episode without you.”
“We look pretty good. What is it we’re all dressed up for?”
“I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake.”
“As the wise Salt n Pepa said, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.”

Funny Wedding Vows for Him

If you’re the groom, or if you’re helping to plan the wedding, consider adding some humor and lightheartedness to your vows. A little bit of wit will be welcomed by all. Do it with a sense of playfulness and fun, not as a way to make fun of your partner or yourself!

Vow examples include:

“I promise to unclog the drain, even though you’re the only one of us who has long hair.”
“I vow to get a professional even though I really want to try to do it myself first.”
“I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live.”
“I promise to take Instagram-worthy photos of you.”
“I promise to love you through Ikea, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein.”
“I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together.”
“If you promise to kill the spiders, I’ll promise to make your lunch, if you take out the trash (and the dog at night), I will make the bed. And if you love me, I will love you.”
“I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people.”

Funny Wedding Vows for Her

If you are the bride, you can use these funny wedding vows as inspiration for your own. They will serve as a source of laughter and joy for the rest of your lives!

“I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you’re hot—even if I’m totally freezing.”
“I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon.”
“I’m so happy I accepted your rose.”
“I vow to love you even when you’re old and still playing Xbox”
“I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome.”
“You and I just work together – and I love how you always finish my…. …. sentences… it’s sentences.”
“I promise to get up and get our remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed the remote so very far away.”
“I promise not to drink your drinks, even though I am thirsty and your drink is literally right there.”
“With our wonderful chemistry, I know we would truly win the newlywed game. And by the way – I’ve signed us up for the Newlywed Game when it comes back on the air in 2023.”
“I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving however…”
“I vow to thrill you each day – to amaze and astonish you – did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning.”
“I vow to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it, even though we both know it was my manly muscles that opened that thing.”
“I vow to wash if you’ll dry, just so we can be together in the kitchen, laughing, all night – every night.”

Funny Long Wedding Vows

Longer funny wedding vows can be used to tell the story of how you met, or a funny story about your relationship. You can also use humor to break up serious moments and keep the mood light.

“I would marry you in a boat and with a goat. I would marry you in the rain and in the dark and on a train. And in a car and in a tree, you are so good – so good to me. So I will love you in a box and I will love you (you’re a fox) and I will love you in our house even if it has a mouse, and I will love you here or there. I promise to love you anywhere (with apologies to Seuss).”
“This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this – I _____ take you… what’s your name again?”
“Let’s be dumb together – just plain stupid. Make bad choices, eat the wrong things, take the bad turns, and then let’s tell great stories, the same ones – for ever and ever until no one can stand us but each other.”
“I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, not use all the hot water, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live so help me God.”
“As one volcano said to the other, “I have a dream I hope will come true that you’ll grow old with me and I’ll grow old with you – I thank the earth, sea – the sky I thank too – I lava you.””
“I vow to be your spell checker, grammar friend, and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, “try this!””
“I just want your company, that’s it. Just your company and your support – your undying support. Oh, and for you to forswear all others besides me – just all those things. Oh, and your kidneys – can you give me a kidney? Just one – and oh, your whole life – everything in your whole life – so I guess that includes your other kidney and your internal organs and soul and such. So that’s all I want. Just that – think you can handle that?”
“I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me – if you think you can put up with my mess.”
“I vow to protect you from all the ills of the world, even if a scientist invented a way to clone dinosaurs and the dinosaurs escaped from his zoo and then they came after us – I would protect you as well as I could manage from said dinosaurs. That is how much I love you.”
“I vow to laugh, for real, at your every joke no matter how stupid or poorly told. I love you that much.”
“How about you love me. What do you think about forever? Maybe we should get married – what are you up to today and for the rest of your life?”
“I promise that even though we have cell phones, I will never forget your number. You will be my phone call when the whole system crashes.”
“A pair of penguins mate for life, across hundreds of miles of tundra, the female penguin travels to bring food to the male, as he watches the egg over a month of sub-zero temperatures. As your husband, I promise never to ask you to do anything like that.”
“Who loves you, baby? Me… that wasn’t rhetorical.. I really meant… I am the one who loves you… baby.”
“I want your worst – give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your everyday, and I will give you my love to make it alright.”
“I promise to love you no matter how many times you tell that same story – I still think it’s funny too! That’s why we were meant to be!”
“Once I take your hand, I promise I’ll never let you go – our clothes will have to be specially made – but it’ll be worth it.”
“My only wish is to be the person you choose to sit next to in a room with all the people in history, ever.”
“I promise to listen to “Hamilton” with you about a million times, but I am not giving away my … shot.”
“Let’s forget when to shut up, forget being polite, let’s be that couple, those people, and have the time of our lives until we drop dead.”
“There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry…”
“I promise not to make fun of the way you pack… or to second-guess your packing skills. Even if you shove things in the back of the car willy-nilly without considering how everything might fit.”
“I vow not to take any of your less pleasing habits personally, even though I really wish you would put the keys back on the key hook, and not leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway, and I love you.”
“As Harry said to Sally, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.””

Funny Short Wedding Vows

If you’re looking for a way to keep your ceremony short and sweet, consider using one-liners and short jokes as your vows. These types of funny wedding vows are great for couples who want something lighthearted but still meaningful.

It’s important to note that this kind of speech can get away with being more irreverent than traditional vows–after all, it’s not part of the official ceremony! If you choose this option, make sure your guests know what they’re getting into before they arrive at the wedding venue so they don’t feel like they’ve been tricked into attending an improv show instead of watching two people tie the knot (or whatever it is that people do when getting married).

“Ha Ha – we made everyone get dressed up.”
“You are the love of my life and I choo-choo-choose you.”
“I can’t wait to sit in our pajamas together, every night!”
“If you turn into a zombie or a vampire, I promise to let you bite me, so we can be undead together.”
“Let’s be married love, I’m starving.”
“I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road-trip through life.”
“Make of our hearts one enormous 8 chambered heart.”
“Just one thing to tell you – I am totally worth it.”
“I promise not to watch the next episode without you.”
“You’re my favorite deputy – I love you to infinity and beyond!”
“Let’s grow old disgracefully together.”
“Let’s be the only people to get each other’s jokes.”
“I can’t believe how lucky I am to be marrying my BFF.”
“I love you, truly, madly, deeply… and I was thinking – maybe we should get married.”
“This ring is a symbol of how you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.”
“We look pretty good. What is it we were all dressed up for?”

Funny Wedding Vows From Movies

If you’re looking for a good laugh, look no further than some of the funniest wedding vows from movies. Whether your sense of humor is more dry or silly, there’s something here for everyone!

“I love that you get cold when it’s seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”

–When Harry Met Sally

“I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”
–The Vow

“She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”
– St. Elmo’s Fire

“Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.”
–27 Dresses

“You’re the best thing I never knew I needed.”
–The Princess and the Frog

“He is the cheese to my macaroni.”
–Juno

“You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon.”
–It’s a Wonderful Life

“We finish each other’s….”
“Sandwiches”
–Frozen

Funny Wedding Vows From Television Shows

If you’re a fan of a particular TV show, you can pay homage to it in your wedding vows. For example, if you are having an Arrested Development themed wedding and want to include some funny vows, here are some ideas:

“To love each other, even when we hate each other. No running—ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens. Take care when old, senile, smelly. This is forever.”
–Grey’s Anatomy

“You are the most awesome person I have ever known in my entire life. I vow to protect you from danger. And I don’t care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter, or a bear, or him (points to a random guest), or your mom. I would take them down. I’m getting mad right now even telling you. I wanna spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you, and I am the luckiest man in the galaxy.”
–Parks and Rec

“You’re my lobster”
–Friends

“But love doesn’t make sense! I mean, you can’t logic your way in or out of it. Love is totally non-sensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we’re lost, and love is dead, and humanity just packed in. Because love is the best thing we do.”
–How I Met Your Mother

“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
–Sex and the City

Funny Wedding Vow Quotes From Books

“I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
–The Notebook

“I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you. Want it backward? You love I.”
–The Princess Bride

“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
–The Fault in Our Stars

“If my like for you was a football crowd, you’d be deaf ’cause of the roar. And if my like for you was a boxer, there’d be a dead guy lying on the floor. And if my like for you was sugar, you’d lose your teeth before you were twenty. And if my like for you was money, let’s just say you’d be spending plenty.”
–Graffiti Moon

“Yes, I need you, my fairy-tale. Because you are the only person I can talk with about the shade of a cloud, about the song of a thought — and about how, when I went out to work today and looked a tall sunflower in the face, it smiled at me with all of its seeds.”
–Letters to Vera

Famous & Funny Wedding Quotes

Need help writing humorous marriage vows? Turn to famous authors for inspiration. Here are some amusing wedding quotes you can use to add love and laughter to your special day.

“To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
“The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.” -Gabriel García Márquez
“Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week.” – Christie Cook
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” – Anonymous
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
“You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.” – Richard Needham
“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Robert Quillen

Tips: Keep it short and sweet.

You want your ceremony to be both memorable and satisfying. To make sure you get the best of both worlds, it’s important to keep it short and sweet.

You may be tempted to write a long, rambling speech that no one will ever listen to because they’re more interested in getting free drinks or seeing if your best man will actually bring a date. But don’t let this happen! You can keep your vows short and sweet by keeping them interesting and engaging with just a few simple tips:

Don’t forget to smile! Smiling helps put people at ease, so make sure you give out genuine smiles throughout the ceremony (not ones where you look like you’re grimacing from trying on shoes).
Don’t forget to kiss! I know we’ve all heard that kissing is overrated—but not here! Make sure you have plenty of time for kissing during your wedding day, whether it’s on stage at the rehearsal dinner or right after saying “I do” at the altar.
Don’t forget laughter! It might sound weird but laughter really does promote happiness among guests (and newlyweds), so try having some funny jokes ready just in case someone gets nervous while speaking into their microphone during speeches or announcements about when food will be served during cocktail hour later in the evening before dinner starts being served again later on down there somewhere up ahead somewhere maybe?

Conclusion

When it comes to wedding vows, you don’t have to make them too long or complicated. You just want to make sure that they are genuine and meaningful to you as a couple. Wedding vows are meant to be exchanged on one of the most important days of your life—and I hope this list helps with finding funny ones!